When Legolas Meets the Big Apple
by Mystic Angel
Summary: Legolas was just sleeping when suddenly, he's in New York City! Ahh! First attempt humor fanfic. Try not to be so cruel! please!


(Do not own Legolas. Want to, but I am not.)  
  
~~  
  
A Rough Awakening  
  
  
  
It was the middle of the day and the sun was above the sky, nearly burning everything in sight, except the trees where Legolas took shelter in. They were like the "Mellyrn"* trees in Lothlórien except they do not have yellow blossoms. His blue eyes still sparkled even after 2,931 years of age. His youth acts as a disguise for his age in mind. The blond hair caught rays of sunlight that slipped between the leaves. In a few leaps, Legolas jumped to a high branch in the tree. His light feet simply brushed against the tree as he went up. He settled into a place began to dream.  
  
  
  
"Get off the road, you bum!" a man gruffly yelled. The cars honked at the strange blond giant in brown and green clothes (that looks like rags more than the royal Elf warrior clothes). Legolas woke up startled and gasped silently.  
  
Where the Middle-Earth is this place?!  
  
Gleaming metal objects in all sorts of colors with black wheels roared on a solid black road with strange white markings on the ground (~Must be some witchcraft in work~) Legolas realized he sat on a hard (and extremely sickening) floor instead of the tree branch he had been sleeping on. Black dots, revolting even though Legolas did not know what they were, covered the floor and some markings like 'L+J forever' and 'Dave was here' and an unknown word that looked like -uck something.** He sat on the corner where all the metal things turned to the next place and nearly scared him out of his wits when a dark blue metal object wheeled around, nearly running him over.  
  
When Legolas stood up (and at an amazing height as well) he looked at the oncoming people that kept on shoving him when they passed with his beautiful blue eyes. They were all diverse in appearances and clothing. In Middle Earth, the main clothing was a shirt, perhaps a vest, and pants and dresses for the women. Instead, he saw the majority of people, both male and female, in strange blue pants*** and thick coats that made them look buff (it was winter though Legolas could barely feel the cold weather)  
  
Despite the fact that there was a six-foot tall (gorgeous, might I add) blond "man" with brown and green clothes (which looked like a dress to some people) in the middle of winter with a BOW AND ARROWS on his back, everyone went about their own business. Sure, they stared at him occasionally (which was only natural) and some even scoffed at the sight of him, but hey, it was New York. And poor Legolas was stuck in the middle of all of it.  
  
"'ey Buddy! The Renaissance was over years ago!" another man yelled from a bright yellow metal car with T-A-X-I printed on the side. Legolas obviously did not understand only grimaced in reply. Noises filled the place (people yelling, metal objects honking) and it made Legolas wild in thought. His keen ears picked up more sounds than he would want to. He was NOT used to volume seeing that he embraced peacefulness in his meditations. He wanted to scream almost, but his voice would be drowned over the sea of voices.  
  
~What was this place? Who are these people?~ millions of thoughts likewise ran through his head.  
  
Suddenly, he felt an arm grab him, sending him back to reality.  
  
"By the look of you, I can straight out say that you're totally new to this helluva place. Ha, New York City: cruel. C'mon I'll take you back to my place. I know how you feel, probably exactly the same way I felt when I moved here. Let's go," a lady said.  
  
Seeing no other choice, Legolas willingly followed her into a metal object (~Does everyone have one?~) on the side of the hard floor. It was really awkward with the bow and arrows still strapped to his back. In fact, it did not even fit through the doors!. The lady told him to take them off (though she was quite puzzled) and he, VERY reluctantly, did, seeing there really wasn't a choice. She opened a strange compartment in the back of the metal object, placed the bow and arrows there, and closed the compartment. Legolas was amazed, but felt empty without them. He went inside the opening of the metal object, sat on a soft chair, and closed the metal door.  
  
The lady took out a cluster of tiny metal keys, inserted one into a strange wheel device inside the metal object, and turned, turning the metal object alive. The roaring noise made Legolas jump a little. She looked at him and giggled a little (though he did not find anything funny at all).  
  
"Aight, we gonna be at my house really soon. Hold on!" and she sped into the crowd of metal objects, all honking and people inside yelling at each other.  
  
~~  
  
*g* Sorry for the over usage of "metal" so much. I find this quite cute because Legolas is just so fresh and new to the whole thing. Like, he's almost 3 millennia years old and NEVER in his life has he seen anything like New York City (ya. Love that place ^_^)  
  
This is my first attempt to write a humor fanfic, so no flames unless you can tell me what I can do to improve the story. I'm open to all comments (though I prefer the good ones *doki*) Please don't be too cruel! ~_~()  
  
P.S. the "~" is what Legolas is thinking.  
  
NEXT CHAPTER: If I receive a good number of comments, maybe I'll write another chapter...I'm not sure... Whatever the case may be, I do hope you enjoy reading it. ^_^  
  
Notes:  
  
* Found in FOTR Lothlórien chapter (when Legolas was telling the Fellowship of the trees)  
  
** OK: this is where I need comments on... I'm not sure if Elves can read English (or Common Language, if you will) and this is New York City. Hello. You know how they have all those icky gum spots (therefore the "Black dots"...really sick.) and those concrete engravings...yea. That's what they are (in case you didn't know...even though it is pretty obvious). By the way...lol the "-uck" part is kinda unnecessary, but it gives it the New- York-en touch. Sorry if it offended anyone and it's not meant to mean anything...just a lil thing (no flames about that pls)  
  
*** Need I say, umm, jeans? 


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